Changes
by hatsuyuki
Summary: Yoh loses Anna in an accident. How will everyone handle this tragedy? Read and find out...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: *sniff* sessha does not own any of the characters..unless I decide to create one...hmmm..maybe not.too much work.  
  
Notes: ( My first shaman king fic..don't blame me if anyone is a little OOC..not too familiar with the series yet.anyway.on with the fic.  
  
  
  
It's funny. Don't you think?  
  
To be able to hide so many truths behind a smile, and live a normal life, as normal as my life can be anyway. No one knows who I truly am. Should they? Do I even know myself? If I don't, how is it that people can tell me "I know what you're going through", "I understand."?  
  
It's funny, how my life can be ruined so easily. I could have stopped it from happening. I think. But the fact that I knew it was going to happen, didn't help at all. The thing that is bothering me is the fact that I knew what was going to happen, but it wasn't in my power to stop it. Instead, I just stood there.with my feet rooted to the ground.  
  
Sometimes, I feel so weak and soft that the wind can just blow me away. That's probably how I am now. If any other thing were to happen now, I don't think I'll be able to handle it anymore.  
  
It's funny. Really.  
  
I laugh.  
  
How one incident can actually make me think about my life so much? Who would have thought that this once carefree, cheerful shaman would be sitting in a dark corner of his room reflecting on such matters?  
  
Well, that's life for you. It seems like someone up there likes finding weird and twisted ways to ruin mine. Damn..  
  
~flashback~  
  
It was a rainy day. But like any other day, there was no excuse for a certain shaman to laze around. And Yoh of all people knew that. Wanting to challenge the inevitable, Asakura Yoh, was planning his escape, when...  
  
"Yoh!!!" The itako shouted, voice so load, it shook the walls of the house. At that, even the spirits of the house shuddered.  
  
"Eh?" The brown haired shaman stopped in his footsteps. Turning around slowly, he feared the worse. Who would have thought it was this hard to skipped 'one' measly training session. "H-hai?" He asked, after which he waited for the usual boinks on the head or naggings. But nothing came.  
  
From the entrance, Yoh looked up just in time to see Anna walk past him, and out the doors.  
  
He watched, as she turned around. "Don't just stand there. Get another umbrella and follow me. We have to get some groceries for tonight's dinner."  
  
For a second, Yoh stood in his place, dumbfounded. 'Is that really Anna? Hmmm..it must be the rain." Yoh nodded.  
  
On their way back, after a long shopping trip, Yoh was too busy balancing the weight of the bags and the umbrella which was on this neck to notice. But beyond the sound of the splattering rain, the sound of a speeding car's engine could be heard.  
  
"Anna.Please?" Yoh said rather pathetically.  
  
Anna just ignored him and continued walking, as Yoh gave a thousand and one reasons why he shouldn't start practice the minute they got back. One of them being that his neck was sore from supporting the umbrella which hovered just over his head. The itako smiled at her fiancé's rather pitiful attempt of changing her mind.  
  
Suddenly, the squeaky sound pierced the night, a bright light, and then a crash. Then, everything was black.  
  
"Anna!"  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
*sweatdrop*...not good.bad bad first chapter.oh well..i'll let you decide if it's horrible or not. *sweatdrop*..R&R, ne? 


	2. Chapter 2

..Changes.  
  
Disclaimer: *sniff* sessha does not own any of the characters..unless I decide to create one...hmmm..maybe not.too much work.ASDA.  
  
Notes: *bounces around*..thanx for the reviews, guys! Lol. gomen icy..made you wait..lol.  
  
p/s: rating for the language used.*sweatdrop*  
  
  
  
"Anna!"  
  
'This isn't happening; please tell me it's all a dream. Please!'  
  
The frantic boy dropped all the bags he had been holding, and ran to his fiancée's side. Slowly, little by little, the world around him faded. The smashed red car, its driver, the rain, and the people who all stood there, peering over each other's shoulders to see what was going on.  
  
Yoh slowly lifted Anna's head to his lap, while whispering words of assurance into her ear. "It's alright, everything will be okay."  
  
At hearing his voice, Anna opened her eyes, to reveal her blank eyes, void of the fire which usually burnt brightly in the girl's heart. She smiled, and slowly lifted her right hand to brush against Yoh's tear stained cheek.  
  
Yoh looked at her, surprised. She looked so vulnerable now, compared to her normal self. Her arms and face were covered with scratches and bruises, making everything so bloody. Something seems to be jutting out of her left arm, so that can't be too good either. All Yoh hoped was that none of her internal organs were injured. If not...if not.it might already be too late for her. Her external injuries were already bad enough.  
  
Both of them were sucked back in reality when someone placed a comforting hand on the young shaman's shoulder. Yoh was sure he was talking to him, but nothing registered in his head. The man's lips were moving, but nothing was heard.  
  
Yoh scanned the man's uniform, and confirmed that he was a paramedic.  
  
". .Go with that man over there; he'll patch up your injuries for you."  
  
'Injuries?' Yoh lifted his hand to his face. As soon as his fingers glazed the top of his skin, he felt a sharp pain.  
  
"Don't worry about me! Anna, Anna.you have to save her!"  
  
The man looked at Yoh pitifully. He nodded, and carried Anna onto a stretcher, with the help of his colleague and were careful not to rupture or aggravate any of her injuries.  
  
Yoh followed them into the ambulance, and watched the paramedics tend to her injuries. The next thing he knew, a long beep sounded. Yoh turned his attention to Anna. Beside her head was a defibrillator. He had watched enough movies to recognize it. The green line was flat, as it ran across the screen of the machine carrying all his hopes along with it. At this, the two men hurried and pulled on a mask over Anna's face. Her eyes were closed, and Yoh knew it was the last time he would see them again.  
  
Again and again, the paramedics rubbed the pads together, and brought them down against the girl's chest. Again and again, her body jerked from the electric currents that ran from the pads into her body. But, nothing changed. The straight green line just refused to budge either way. It just refused to tell Yoh what he wanted to know most. Whether there was still hope for Anna.. or not.. ..  
  
Then everything stopped, the sound of the pads rubbing each other, the long beep that came from the damned machine.  
  
'Why wouldn't it show me that she was alive? Why? They must be playing a trick on me. Yeah! This is all a joke set up by Anna to scare me. Yes, this was what it is.'  
  
Tears started to pour down the young shaman's face, as he looked at his once lively and sometimes overly violent fiancée. The edges of his lips tipped upwards, forming a smile on the boy's face as tears poured from his eyes.  
  
"Why did you stop?"  
  
The paramedics turned to face him. This was the part that was the hardest to do in their line of job.  
  
Yoh looked pleadingly at the two men. One was taking down the time, and date, while the other shook his head, and told him it was all over.  
  
They couldn't help her anymore.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
I listened to the sound of the rain. Yes. That day was rainy like this. It was that day when that cursed drunk driver took the one life that supported mine. Why in the world do people drink anyway? Don't they even know that it's harmful to your health and others?  
  
You know? I'm somewhat happy that the driver survived the accident. He deserved to live the rest of his life with the guilt of taking an innocent life. Anna's. I hate to think of Anna's spirit haunting him though. He may deserve the guilt, but an angry Anna was not very friendly.  
  
I smiled.  
  
Now, I somehow wish that Anna was here to hit me on the head, or shout at me for sitting here and wallowing in self pity.  
  
I bought my knees to my chest, and sat huddled in the dark, tears pouring from my eyes.  
  
Anna.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Yoh-dono." Amidamaru, the famous samurai of his time, floated outside the door. Even he didn't dare to intrude on his master/friend now. He too understood the pain of losing a close friend. He too had failed in protecting the life that helped him greatly while he was alive. But, he knew it was not his place to say anything.  
  
Even though Anna and Yoh were often seen bickering, he knew it wasn't serious. That Anna only did the things she did because she cared.  
  
Behind the spirit, Manta, Yoh's best friend, sat quietly, contemplating if he should go in to comfort his friend, but decided against it. Yoh deserved the time to straighten things out. The boy looked up from where he was sitting.  
  
Images of Anna and Yoh flashed before his eyes. 'It's really going to be very quiet around here without Anna.' Then, he joked to himself. 'I'm sure even the house spirits will miss her.'  
  
Then the silent was shattered, when the gates of the house burst open. Manta and Amidamaru turned to see who it was.  
  
There, standing in the rain was Bokutou no Ryuu, Horo horo, and . . . Tao Ren?  
  
All three were drenched, as they walked towards the house. Behind Ren, was Bason, his loyal spirit. He too looked sad, as he drifted into the house.  
  
"Where is that Idiot?!" Ren shouted.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Uh -oh.opz.I think this chapter should be dedicated to Anna and Yoh. If not, i'm sure she would haunt me for the rest of my life as a fan-fic authoress.*sweatdrop*..oh well..i'm uploading this chapter earlier cause I'm moving and I don't want it to get wiped out like the last time.*sweatdrop*..anyway.don't forget to R&R, ne? 


	3. Chapter 3

..Changes.  
  
Disclaimer: *sniff* sessha does not own any of the characters..unless I decide to create one...hmmm..maybe not.too much work.ASDA.  
  
Notes: One question for you guys..Do you want Ren to be gay? Lol.or should I keep this fic as straight as possible? Hmmmm?....pls review with your answer, ne?  
  
  
  
"Where is that Idiot?!" Ren shouted, angrily stamping his feet hard on the cold wooden floor as he made his way up the stairs.  
  
Even Amidamaru made way for the boy as he walked past. Ren had definitely lost it.  
  
Tao Ren placed his hand on the handle of the door. He hesitated, but slammed the door wide open. The shoji doors shook violently before settling back into place  
  
"Asakura YOH!"  
  
With that, Yoh slowly titled his head up to face the other boy. His eyes, red and swollen from crying, and his face tear stained.  
  
"What do you want?" Yoh had barely able to choke out the words, his throat dry, thus leaving his voice horse.  
  
Ren took a step forward. Then another, and another, until he was standing right in front of Yoh.  
  
"What in the world are you doing? Why in god's name are you sitting here wasting your life away?! I can't believe I actually 'lost' to a weakling like you!" At this, Ren bent down, and picked Yoh up by the collar and slammed him against the wall.  
  
"Yoh-dono!" Amidamaru called out, but was stopped by Bason, who simply rested a single hand on his shoulders.  
  
Yoh didn't answer. He didn't have to. The minute he looked at Ren in the eyes, the other boy slowly loosened his grip on the other's collar.  
  
Yoh then slowly dragged his feet, as he walked towards another room. Anna's.  
  
By this time, Manta, Horo horo and Bokuto no Ryuu were already up the stairs, and just watched as their friend walked lifelessly towards a room, belonging to his ex-fiancé.  
  
"Stop!"  
  
The young shaman slowly turned around to face Ren.  
  
"What is it now? Can't I even see her just one more time? Do I not even deserve something as simple as."  
  
"Yoh-dono!" "Yoh!"  
  
When Yoh had been talking, Ren had made his way towards him, and punched him, he himself not sure if he should have done that.  
  
"Snap out of it! Anna is DEAD! She has been for the past 5 days!"  
  
Yoh stood up, slowly regaining his posture. He turned. "Just leave me alone."  
  
"No."  
  
~Ren's POV~  
  
I gulped, as Yoh turned to face me. Since Anna died, it seemed as if Yoh's soul had died along with her. He has been totally drained, physically, mentally and emotionally.  
  
Yoh looked at me with those blank eyes of his, void of any emotions except those of sadness and remorse, and most likely regret.  
  
"I don't get it. How could all of you be so inhuman!?"  
  
All of us turned to him. What nonsense is he going to sprout now? That he is the only one that truly cared for her? That the rest of us are so cold- blooded to the point we don't even feel anything?  
  
What does he know? The only thing probably in his mind now is himself. Doesn't he even care about how all of us feel when we see him like this? It makes us think you know. He is supposed to be the strongest one among us, and if he can break so easily under certain circumstances, what about the rest of us?  
  
"Anna's gone! She's not ever coming back! How can all of you take it so lightly?! Didn't she mean anything to any of you?!"  
  
That's it! I've had enough of his nonsense.  
  
"Then how do you think we feel?!"  
  
Silence.  
  
"As if losing Anna isn't bad enough, if this goes on, we'll lose you too!"  
  
"Ren.. .."  
  
I feel everyone's eyes on me. As if confronting him isn't bad enough, I had to say this in front of everyone.  
  
"Why do you care?" Yoh leaned against one of the walls, probably for support. "Didn't you want to defeat me anyway? Aren't you happy that I am the way I am now? Why not just go ahead and kill me now to spare me the pain!"  
  
That IS it! The only thing this guy deserves right now isn't our pity, but my fist in his face.  
  
As I walked towards him, a felt someone's arm on mine, holding me back. Horo Horo? What does he want now?  
  
As if knowing what I intended to do to Yoh, he shook his head.  
  
"Fine, I've already wasted enough time on him. I'm leaving."  
  
I twisted my hand out of his grip, and motioned for Bason to come with me. At the entrance of the house, I slid the door shut after I was out. Shutting the gates slowly, I stood there, as the rain fell on me. It was good that it was raining, because it hid something from people, something which I have not shed in such a long time.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
ahhhh..sap.sap..this is what happens when I meet with any relatives from my dad's side..*shudder*..also.it could be the sugar donuts..:)..lol.oh well..good? bad?...let me know..ohya..also.should I keep this fic straight, or..or..a pairing? At the rate I'm going, the pairing would most likely be Ren and Yoh, so let me know, ne? 


	4. Chapter 4

..Changes.  
  
Disclaimer: *sniff* sessha does not own any of the characters..unless I decide to create one...hmmm..maybe not...too much work involved.ASDA.  
  
Notes: ^^; ehehe.firsts thing's first, I haven't written anything shaman king in a long time.or written anything at all.sooooo..if this is not up to your expectations.T.T..gomenasai!!!  
  
  
  
~Horo Horo's POV~  
  
A momentary pause.  
  
After the whole scene with Ren, everyone made a good choice of walking out of the room to give their friend the time alone he needed to sort things out.  
  
Except me.  
  
"Horo horo?"  
  
I jump at the sound of his voice. It didn't sound like him at all, to sound so down trotted and lifeless. Even his eyes have changed. The usual carefree look in his eyes has been replaced with nothing. Once so full of life, he used to be able to change someone's will with just that one glance. But now, they have been replaced with hollow orbs, filled only with despair and confusion. And the worse part is, we, his friends, can't do a single thingy about it! What good are we then!  
  
Come to think of it, Ren was right. Yoh has changed. If it were for the better, fine, so be it. But, seeing him so miserable and dead is unnerving. Who would have thought that the most cheerful and positive one would break so easily under such circumstances?  
  
"Hai!"  
  
"Do you think it's wrong?"  
  
"Hai?" I reply. Is it a trick question?  
  
He looks up, looking at me with those eyes. "Do you think it's wrong to feel what I'm feeling? Do you think it's so wrong to feel sad?"  
  
"Yoh.. .."  
  
He laughed. "I mean, Anna! The most unlikely one of us has to die like that!? The most logical one of us had to lose to a mere machine. Where is the logic in that?"  
  
"Yoh.. .. .."  
  
"Why couldn't I have protected her? I was THERE! Right behind her like always, why did it have to cost her her life this time? Why did this time have to be any different?"  
  
No, it's not supposed to be like this. Damn it! Why him? Why did it always have to be him? Why does he always choose to bare the weight of everything? Doesn't he realize that we're all here for him?  
  
I run to his side, gripping his shoulders with my hands, I force him to look at me in the eyes.  
  
"Yoh! Snap out of it, will you! Please, it's not supposed to be like this. You're not supposed to be like this! So, please. Do you think Anna would be happy if she saw you in this horrible state you're in? No!"  
  
Tears? His? No mine. They were mine.  
  
As they flowed from my eyes, they froze just as they were about to hit the wooden floor. I guess it's the furyoku acting up.  
  
"No.." I backed away. It wasn't like him at all.  
  
Shaking me head as I retreated towards the door, I hurriedly search for the little opening between the shoji door and the wall behind my back, so I could escape this intense feeling of misery Yoh was shooting at me through his glares. Suffocated, I gasp for breath the minute I shut the shoji door behind me.  
  
Yoh..  
  
~Yoh's POV~  
  
Hn. It's so typical of him to run away. Its fine anyway, at least I'm alone again. No one is around to bug me anymore with their words of condolences.  
  
But come to think of it, how would Anna react if she saw me in this state? I'll bet she'll be furious. My punishment? Training would most likely be involved. But she isn't around to scold me or order me around anymore. So there isn't any point in thinking about what might have been.  
  
In the darkness of the room, the moon's glow seemed to illuminate something. Something shiny and cold to the touch. Something that might just be able to free the poor shaman from his pain and misery.  
  
I look up and see it. Walking towards the table which held it, I pick it up.  
  
Looking at its pristine clean blade, I fiddle with it using my fingers. I wonder..  
  
Placing it against my bare wrist, I make the first cut. Shallow, a little too shallow to draw any blood. I try again, this time, the blade just barely making it through my skin. But blood it drew, staining it's blade with a dark red. Kind of like the colour of the scarf Anna used to wear.  
  
I smile. Anna. Maybe I'll be able to see you again after all.  
  
Ignoring the mess I was making, I think of what she would say if she saw me in this state.  
  
A third cut, this time going even deeper. The blood welled up around the incision on my wrist before it slowly dripped onto the floor. Blood, so much blood. Just like that night, only this time it was mine and not hers.  
  
Again and again I lift the blade to widen and deepen the slit in my wrist. Until I couldn't take it anymore.  
  
The room starts to spin. Memories of our childhood flashes before my eyes, including all the times she made me cry. I laugh. There was never a time she showed anyone her weak side. Every time we fight, I was always the one who ended up crying.  
  
"Anna.."  
  
I managed to say her name one last time, before I drop the newly blood tainted blade.  
  
Swaying as I walked to my corner again, I let the darkness of the room embrace me. Just as I hope death would.  
  
  
  
"Yoh-dono!" the samurai spirit called out when foot steps were heard coming down the stairs. But to his dismay, it was the ice shaman instead.  
  
Sighing, he returned to his seat beside Ryuu's spirit. "Yoh-dono.."  
  
Tokagerou shifted uneasily in his seat. How he missed the days when he would feel nothing after taking life after life. It was, well, painful now. And he wasn't even the one who had killed anyone.  
  
Manta had gone to the neighbour's house to borrow their phone to make a call. Apparently he had a bad feeling and had gone to call for reinforcements.  
  
Ryuu had left to look for Ren, and had insisted on Tokagerou staying in the house. 'In case anything happens' he says.  
  
'It's not as if Yoh was going to kill himself or anything. Right?' the spirit thought to himself.  
  
Just then, Manta walked through the gates. Closing his umbrella as he got into shelter, he removed his shoes and stepped in, closing the doors behind him as he did.  
  
Sighing, the little boy dragged himself to the room where both the spirits and Horo Horo were waiting.  
  
"Faust and Choco Love are on their way."  
  
"WHAT?!" All three occupants bolted from their seats.  
  
"We need every here, that way we can rotate shifts on watching Yoh-kun."  
  
"So you call a psycho doctor and a sarcastic idiot who doesn't know the right time and place for things?!" Horo Horo said as he slams his hands onto the table.  
  
Manta nods. "Faust is a doctor none-the-less, and who knows? Choco Love just might be able to cheer Yoh-kun up.  
  
Horo Horo sighs in defeat. He wasn't in any position to say anything. At least Manta is trying to help Yoh. And him? He was just sitting there with two dead beings brooding.  
  
All four settle down, and wait for the rest to arrive, hoping against all hope that everything will be alright. Little did they know of the situation they were in right now.  
  
~*~*~  
  
There.. the next chapter is finally finished.. ^^; Hope it's not too horrible. Well, please R&R and let me know what you think.. Good? Bad? All reviews are welcomed.. .. lol.. Gives me inspiration to write too! 


	5. Good Bye

Good bye

Disclaimer: sniff sessha does not own any of the characters .. unless I decide to create one...hmmm..maybe not...too much work involved.ASDA.

Notes: Last chapter of 'Changes'. I decided to end the fic, cause it would just be going in circles if I wrote anymore angst. ; Gomen.

And just to save any reader who has yet to read 'changes', this chapter happens after Yoh kills himself due to the lost of Anna. ; There, four chapters of horrible writing, summarized in a sentence. . .sigh shows you how much rubbish I had written.

Well, on with the story!

Snow. . .

huge,

dizzying clumps and clusters of snow falling through the air,

patches of white against an iron-grey sky.

Snow. . .

that touches your tongue with cold and winter,

that kisses your face with its hesitant touch before freezing you to death

twelve (well.maybe not that much ;) cotton-candy inches of snow,

creating a faerie-tale world,

making everything unrecognizably beautiful. . .

I watch, as my friends all wait in anticipation for the doctor to walk out of those cold metallic doors to tell them I was 'okay', and that 'I've never been better'.

Hmp. I doubt.

Sure. They ARE waiting rather anxiously for the doctor's response. But is that worry I see in them? Or are they just there out of obligation as a friend?

I turn my attention to Manta. The best friend any shaman could ask for. I'm just sorry things had to turn out this way.

Then Choco Love, who was trying his best to cheer everyone up, but is failing rather horribly. You have to give the poor guy at least some credit. Even in the toughest situations, he does hold up.

Beside Manta, Bokuto no Ryu sits quietly. Fiddling with what seems like a coin in his hand. Hmm, what can I say?

A pause. . .

Seriously, 'what' can I say?

I laugh. But no one hears it.

I turn away as soon as I hear the doctor approach doors. The last thing I hear before I left the filthy place. . .cries.

Snow. . .

high in the atmosphere,

perfect,

tiny crystals that form about a minute piece of dust,

each a lace-like work of fractal art.

And the snow crystals clump together into flakes as they fall,

covering the area in their white plenty, inch upon inch. . .

Too bad today isn't a day of celebration, but more of what people call a funeral is taking place. It's when someone dies and everybody gathers to cry and make a big fuss about it.

I sigh.

I thought dying was painful. But seeing the people, who were my friends so sad and 'dead', well, just hurts even more. Now, come to think of it. Did Anna feel this way when everyone was crying for her? Did she feel this itch in her chest when I just.. ..broke? Well, maybe I should go ask her the next time I see her. IF I see her.

I watch, as one by one, the people whom I considered my friends, and whom I had entrusted my very life to, went up to say their last good-byes.

Manta just broke up in tears. Nothing, no words could come out. Instead, with Ryu's help, he placed a single white rose on 'my' chest. Followed by a folded piece of paper, which I think he intended to read out loud, but couldn't.

Then Ren. . . Eh? Ren? He actually showed up?

Hn. . .

I guess I actually meant more to these people then I thought. I looked around. Everyone was there. All except Amidamaru. Come to think about it, what exactly happens to a spirit when the shaman dies? Is it left to wander the world for eternity, searching, waiting for another shaman to come by? Or is it spared from all the fighting, and is let into heaven?

Ah. . . So many questions and no one is there to answer them.

WHACK!

"Itai! Who?" I spin around on the balls of my feet. 'Wait, I have feet!' But pushing that question aside to the back of my head, I focus on the person in front of me.

"Yoh! You Idiot! What did you kill yourself for!" A familiar blond girl with a red scarf tied around her head shouted, probably even loud enough for it to be heard in the underworld.

I stuttered. "An. . .Anna?"

"Yes. Who do you think it is? A Kappa!" Anna said, mimicking the actions of a water demon.

I rush towards her, hands stretched out, in hopes of holding her in my arms. But. . .

WHACK!

I fall on my face.

"Cut it out! I'm serious." She resumes her usual posture, hands folded at her chest.

Both of us exchanged glances for a second.

She extends her hand to me.

"Come. We need to have a long talk. And trust me, by the time I'm done with you, you're going to regret you ever thought about suicide."

I nod. Taking her hand, we walk away from the past. From all the bad memories, and regretfully, the good ones too.

Well, how was that? Good? Bad? Well, just drop a line and tell me what you think. Please RR! And maybe I'll write a comedy next time. ;

p/s: if this story doesn't make any sense, I recommend you read the notes at the top of the fic, or just try to read 'Changes'.


End file.
